Finding Hope (Mail Order Bride: Brides And Promises Book 1) Read online

  Thomas closed his eyes tightly and threw the pillow to the other side of the room. He’d done the right thing in telling her that there couldn’t be anything more between them, hadn’t he? After all, she wasn’t the woman he thought she was. She’d deceived a man, hoping that he wouldn’t either notice or care. Any man would notice the difference.

  And yet, she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever come to know.

  Rubbing a hand across his eyes, Thomas blinked slowly, trying to let his eyes adjust to the light although searing pain shot straight into his head. It was entirely his own fault. He’d come home and drank himself into oblivion, something he’d never done in his life before – and soundly promised never to do again, given how terrible he felt. This was all because of Grace, because of what he felt for her and the pain he felt on discovering the truth about her.

  Did you really think I was some kind of saint?

  Thomas pushed himself up onto his bed and came to sit on the edge of it, trying to forget Grace’s accusing words. Yes, he’d wanted to say, I did think of you as a saint. That was why he was taking it all so badly.

  Was Grace right? Was he the one who had allowed himself to believe her to be without fault? Had her deception tainted his view so badly that he could never allow himself to feel anything for her again? Maybe it was a good thing that he had come to see her as she truly was – someone with faults and failings, just like the rest of them?

  “My mind is too cloudy to think straight,” Thomas said to himself, getting up and staggering towards the mirror hanging on the wall on the other side of the room.

  He barely recognized himself. His eyes were heavy, with deep, dark shadows underneath them. His hair was sticking up all over the place and his unshaven cheeks made him look even scruffier. But, more than all that, there was a deep sadness in his expression that told him more than the bags under his eyes ever could.

  He was broken.

  Turning away from the vision before him, Thomas made his way out of the house and practically threw himself, headlong, into the water trough. The water was cold enough that it made him shiver, washing away the stench of alcohol and despair. His clothes were flung to one side as he washed quickly, glad that he was beginning to feel a little more awake and a little less foggy. Not that the pain in his head was going anywhere, but perhaps that was a good reminder never to drink so much again. Shaking the water from his hair, Thomas made his way back indoors and found himself some clean clothes. His dirty clothes would have to be washed later.

  Thinking about making himself something for a late lunch, Thomas made his way back into the kitchen, wondering what it would be like at dinner this evening. The truth was, he wasn’t quite sure whether or not to go. He didn’t want to see the look on Grace’s face when he appeared, nor did he want to feel the thumping of his heart the moment he laid eyes on her.

  Even though he had said that things were at an end between them, Thomas couldn’t exactly say that everything he felt had disappeared at that very moment. The truth was, he still held a great deal of affection in his heart for her, although that affection was mingled with sorrow. The hopes he had once had for the future, the thoughts he was having in the direction of marriage, had slowly been torn apart right before his eyes. Although, Thomas recognized that he was the one putting a stop to it all. It was his choice and his decision. Life would just have to pick up where he’d left off before Grace had arrived. They would just have to be friends and nothing more.

  “Whoa there!”

  Just about to crack an egg into the frying pan, Thomas frowned as he heard the sound of a wagon pulling up just outside his house. Putting the egg down, he pulled open the front door, only to see four men from town helping to take a brand new plow down from the back of the wagon.

  “Thomas!” one man called, as he jumped down from the front of the wagon. “Wasn’t sure we’d catch you. Thought you might be out in the fields, but then again, not much you can do when your plow’s gone and broken itself in two!”

  Thomas stared at the brand new plow, his mouth falling open.

  “What’s the matter?” the man asked, slapping Thomas on the back. “Don’t tell me you weren’t expecting this!”

  Thomas shook his head, hardly able to take his eyes off it. “I-I wasn’t.” Aunt Mary plunged into his thoughts, making him frown. “Is this my aunt’s doing?”

  The man came around to face Thomas, who he remembered to be Mr. Collins. “Your aunt? You mean Mary Stevens? No, sir, it ain’t her doing. I’m surprised no one mentioned to you that this was coming. I thought you already knew.”

  “I have no idea what this is doing here,” Thomas replied, blood thundering in his ears, as he suddenly realized he had no money to pay for it. “I can’t pay for this. I don’t know what’s happened. There must have been some kind of mix up.”

  Mr. Collins chuckled and slapped him on the back. “My, my, ain’t you a fine one then! Someone’s gone and paid for this outright, Thomas! There ain’t no money needing to be spent on it. It’s yours, fully paid for. I know you’ve got a lot to do now, so we’ll be off in just a minute.”

  Thomas didn’t know what to say. His mind went completely blank, and he wasn’t able to even find the words to respond when Mr. Collins waved goodbye, the wagon turning away from Thomas’ cabin. The other four men jumped up onto the back of it, and Thomas managed to lift one hand in thanks, feeling as though he was stuck into the ground and entirely unable to move.

  The wagon finally rounded the trees, leaving him standing alone, staring at his brand new plow. It wasn’t an already-used plow, one that had cracks and signs of wear. It was, by what he could see, a brand new one, ready for him to use. It wasn’t made of wood, but entirely of metal, which meant there would be no worrying about the wood cracking and splintering as he used it. It was something Thomas would never have been able to afford.

  “It must have been Aunt Mary,” he whispered to himself, hurrying forward on trembling legs to run his hands down over the smooth metal. “It must have been her. No one else could have done it.”

  Mr. Collins had assured him it wasn’t, and Thomas hadn’t quite managed to ask who else it had been. Mr. Collins hadn’t given him a description or anything about who had paid for the plow. Why hadn’t he asked him? And why would someone, some stranger, pay for something like this? How had they known he needed a new one?

  A sudden thought struck him right between the eyes. The only other person who would have known about it all was Grace. Could Grace have been the one to purchase this? Could she really have gone into town and bought it for him? Shaking his head, Thomas dismissed the thought at once.

  Grace wasn’t wealthy; he was sure about that. Besides, whatever money she had, Thomas knew she would need it for the future. After all, Aunt Mary might need caring for, or they might need to take someone on to help around the house and their own little patch of land, once Aunt Mary got a bit older. Grace might be kind and sweet, but she wouldn’t have done something like this, not when there was no assurance of any kind of future for them.

  Hurrying to the stables, Thomas quickly saddled his horse. He threw his leg up over the saddle and turned the horse in the direction of town. He was going to find out who had sent him that plow before the day was out…and then he was going to do all he could to pay them back every single cent.

  14

  By the time Thomas got to town and had tied his horse to the post, Mr. Collins had only just arrived back at his shop and looked mighty surprised to see Thomas step inside.

  “Something the matter with your plow?” he asked, leaning on his counter. “It be brand new, Thomas, so I hope not!”

  Thomas shook his head, trying to catch his breath. “No, it ain’t that. I was just wondering who bought it for me.”

  Mr. Collins laughed. “I did wonder why you didn’t press me back at your place,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “It was a young lady, if I remember rightly, although she didn’t give me her name.”


  “A young lady?” Thomas repeated, confused. “What do you mean?”

  “What other explanation can I give you?” Mr. Collins replied, with a hearty smile. “She was young and said she wanted to buy you the best plow she could afford, one that wouldn’t break in a few months or so. She listened carefully to all I had to say and took on every bit of advice I gave her. Clever young miss, if I may say so.”

  Thomas shook his head, refusing to believe what his mind told him had to be true. “It can’t be her.”

  Mr. Collins tilted his head, studying him carefully. “She knew you mighty well, although I didn’t know her, I must say. Is she new to town?”

  Thomas knew then he couldn’t deny it any longer. It had to be Grace. There was no other explanation.

  “Yes, she is,” he said heavily. “Miss Grace lives with my Aunt Mary.”

  Mr. Collins nodded sagely. “A very generous lady, I must say.”

  “Yes, very generous,” Thomas replied.

  Mr. Collins replied with a slight frown. “Lucky we had one coming, so I was able to get it out to you quickly. I know those fields of yours aren’t about to plow themselves!”

  Thomas nodded, his vision blurring. Grace had shown him a great amount of kindness and hadn’t told him a thing about it. She hadn’t announced she was going to do such a generous thing and hadn’t had Aunt Mary come to talk to him about it; she’d simply gone ahead and given away what was hers so that he could have what he desperately needed.

  “I’d best be off,” he muttered, shaking Mr. Collins’ hand. “Got a few more things to pick up before I head on home.”

  Mr. Collins chuckled, although Thomas wasn’t quite sure why. “Thanks for stopping by, Thomas. I hope everything goes well with your farm.”

  Thomas managed a smile, tipping his hat before heading back outside. He stood on the boardwalk for some time, leaning heavily across the rail. Guilt whipped his back like the crack of a whip, cutting deeply into his skin. What had he done?

  Now that he had his plow, he could go ahead and carry on with his plans. Nothing was in his way any longer. Grace had cleared his path.

  Shame crept all through him, making him stumble as he walked towards the mercantile. He didn’t even know what he was looking for, his thoughts too clouded to think clearly. Grasping a few odd things, he piled them up at the front of the store, greeting the shopkeeper as he approached.

  “Can you add them to my tab, Gabe?” he asked, wondering how long it would be until Gabe called his account in. “I’ve had a bit of trouble with my planting, but I should be able to get my funds to you soon. I know there’s a long list of things here that I need to pay for.”

  Gabe’s face split into a wide grin. “It’s already been cleared, Thomas. I thought you would know?”

  A stone dropped into Thomas’ stomach. “Cleared?”

  “Yup. Gone. Done. I can start a new tab for you if you like?”

  Thomas shook his head, forgetting all about the items he had stacked up. “No, don’t bother. I was just in town and I-I don’t really need…” Struck with horror, he looked up at Gabe, who was studying him with interest. “By any chance was it Miss Grace who paid for all this?”

  Gabe chuckled and lifted one shoulder, scratching his shock of white hair with one hand. “I can’t say, she didn’t give me her name. My wife reckoned she was the lady who comes to church with your Aunt Mary though.”

  “Grace,” Thomas whispered, his face paling with shock. He leaned heavily on the counter for a moment, feeling a little dizzy. He could hear Gabe calling his name, asking him if he was all right, but all he could think of was Grace.

  He’d never known she had money of her own, although he’d assumed she had something. What he had never once expected was for her to go ahead and clear his debts here in town.

  A sudden thought hit him. “Did she go anywhere else?”

  “Can’t rightly say,” Gabe replied quietly. “But why not go ahead and ask them? I’m sure they’d be happy to tell you. And you tell that Miss Grace thank you. We needed that account paid off. It came at just the right time.”

  Flushing, Thomas shook Gabe’s outstretched hand with a promise to do just that, more than a little aware of just how much he had owed at the mercantile. But apparently, he owed nothing any longer. Grace had shown her kindness and generosity once more.

  It was difficult, going to each of the shops in town and inquiring about his account, embarrassed to admit to each person that he had no idea his account had been cleared. The new shirts from the seamstress had been paid; the shoes for his horse he owed the blacksmith were already cleared. Everything except the saloon tab was paid for. He now owed practically nothing.

  It was as though he was lost in some kind of dream, a dream which was tinged with the edges of a nightmare. If he had not had such an angry exchange with Grace the night before, then he might now be riding back towards her, about to throw himself down in front of her and beg her to be his bride. Not because he felt obliged to her but because he now realized just how much of a fool he’d been.

  One mistake, or even a multitude of bad choices and difficulties, did not prevent someone’s beautiful character to continue to shine through.

  Grace had made a poor decision in allowing herself to be so falsely presented, but that did not damage her generosity or her kind heart. She had made a mistake. She had admitted that outright, and he had stood in direct judgment over her.

  Groaning aloud, Thomas sat down right where he was, right in the middle of the boardwalk with his feet on the dusty ground below. Burying his head in his hands, he cried out in frustration and anger, both of which were directed at himself.

  He had been a complete and utter fool.

  “Found out the truth about her then, did you?”

  Thomas looked up, his eyes narrowing as he saw George Stubbs swagger towards him, a wide grin on his face.

  “I told you she was nothing but a liar.”

  “She made a mistake,” Thomas said firmly, getting to his feet and trying to stop his anger from burning wildly in his chest. “And I can understand why.”

  George Stubbs spat, hard, onto the sand directly in front of Thomas. “She tried to hide just how ugly she was; there’s no other reason for that other than wanting to pretend that she was someone she’s not. She wanted to make me believe that she was a handsome woman, someone I’d want to take to my bed.”

  “You told her you weren’t looking for love,” Thomas bit out, his hands curling slowly into fists. “You told her what you were looking for was a hard-working wife to take care of your children and of your home.”

  George grinned, his eyes flickering. “Doesn’t mean I didn’t want someone I’d be proud to have on my arm. Can you imagine the looks I’d get if I had her?”

  Thomas hit out at once, his fist catching George Stubbs right across the face, sending him staggering backward.

  “I told you not to speak about her again in that way,” Thomas roared, not caring who heard him. “You’d be the luckiest man in this place if you had Grace on your arm. You just can’t see it.”

  George got to his feet slowly, his face already bruised from yesterday’s altercation. “And you can?”

  “Yes,” Thomas replied, standing directly in front of him. “I can see it. I’ve always seen it. I just allowed my own foolishness to get in the way of it.” He didn’t allow the man to speak again, shoving past him before he could do anything else. The last thing he needed was for the sheriff to get involved.

  “Go on and take her then!” he heard George shout, as he untied his horse from the post. “No one else will want her, that’s for sure.”

  Gritting his teeth, Thomas tried not to react. Everything in him itched to turn around and plant his fist directly into the man’s face, but he knew he couldn’t. It would do nothing good, and most likely, only cause more problems for him.

  “I’ll have her if she’ll take me,” he muttered to himself, his heart soaring into the clouds fo
r a moment before thundering back down into his chest.

  He turned his horse towards home, knowing he had chores to see to and animals to feed before he could make his way over to Aunt Mary’s. His mind screamed at him to head on over there this very moment, but his responsibilities to his farm lay heavily on his mind. He still hadn’t fed any of his animals, and it was already the afternoon. Besides, he’d probably need a little time to think about what he was going to say before he saw Grace again. There was so much to take in, so much to think about, so much for him to apologize for. What he needed to do was take a bit of time to think about exactly what he was going to say, all in the hope that she’d be willing to forgive him.

  He didn’t want to think about what would happen if she wouldn’t.

  15

  Grace’s cheeks burned with shame as she pulled out the photograph from where she’d stored it. Thomas had been absolutely right when he’d said she had deliberately set out to deceive George Stubbs. That was exactly what she had allowed herself to be convinced into doing.

  Running her finger down the photograph, Grace wished she could rub away the paint from her cheeks, the padding from her body. If she had only been truthful from the very beginning, then none of this would have ever happened.

  Then again, she would never have met Mary Stevens and Thomas.

  Her heart tore as she thought of him, her chest heaving with the urge to break into tears once more. How he had looked at her! He was clearly devastated by what he had learned, and even though Grace knew it was not any of his business, she could not be angry with him for feeling such a way.

  “I did try to tell you,” she whispered, a single tear tracking down her cheek. “I did want to tell you.”

  Shaking her head, Grace set the photograph aside and reached for her clothes, slowly beginning to fold them up, one after the other, and set them aside carefully to pack them later. She hadn’t told Mary her decision yet. That was still to come.